Are You Really in Control? The Hidden Forces Shaping Your Decisions.

By Kyle Walker, BSc, MSc, GMBPsS, PhD Researcher
Founder, E.P.I.C. Psychology
Psychological Optimisation | Metacognition | Evidence-Based Coaching

Published: 15 January 2026

Do You Control Your Choices—Or Do Your Patterns Control You?

Most of us believe we’re in the driver’s seat of our own lives. But after two decades in psychology, I know that’s rarely the case. My journey, from a chaotic childhood and no GCSEs to founding E.P.I.C. Psychology and researching behavioural science, taught me a hard truth: much of what we do is driven by invisible scripts, habits, and cognitive biases.

The Power of Unconscious Patterns

Human behaviour is shaped by automatic processes. Our brains are wired for efficiency, relying on schemas, habits, and shortcuts. These mental automations, or cognitive biases, influence everything from daily decisions to major life choices. Unless we become aware, these patterns run on autopilot, making real change difficult.

Many people confuse reflecting on the past with true self-awareness. In reality, self-awareness means observing your thoughts and emotions as they arise, recognising them as mental events, not facts. This is metacognition: the ability to notice your mind’s activity in real time.

People with genuine self-awareness don’t announce it, they demonstrate it through their actions, decisions, and relationships. But developing this skill requires ongoing effort, honesty, and evidence-based training. The ego often turns self-awareness into a badge, but real growth is deeper.

The Science: Attachment, Schemas, and Cognitive Biases

Attachment theory (Bowlby, 1969) explains how our earliest relationships create deep-rooted scripts. Schema theory (Young et al., 2003) shows how these scripts become lifelong beliefs, like “I’m not good enough” or “People can’t be trusted.” Cognitive biases, including hostile attribution bias, further distort our perceptions, especially for those with insecure attachment (Crick & Dodge, 1994).

Complexity theory reminds us that life isn’t linear. A single stressful event can trigger old schemas, causing us to repeat unhelpful behaviours—often without realising.

Free Will vs. Determinism: What Really Drives Behaviour?

My research explores how beliefs about free will and determinism impact decision-making. When people are primed to believe in free will, they pause and reflect before acting. Those primed for determinism act more quickly, sometimes prioritising group benefit over individual choice (Baumeister et al., 2009; Vohs & Schooler, 2008). What we believe about control shapes our actions, often subconsciously.

How to Break Free from Old Patterns

Real change starts with curiosity and honest observation. Here’s how to begin:

• Awareness: Notice your “life script” as it unfolds.

• Metacognition: Pause and ask, “Is this the only way to see this situation?”

• Systems Thinking: Recognise how stress, beliefs, and behaviour interact in feedback loops.

• Evidence-Based Tools: Use schema work, cognitive restructuring, and emotion regulation strategies.

• Compassion: Understand that old patterns once protected you, now, you can choose what serves your growth.

Why This Matters

I’ve lived through, and broken, these cycles myself. Today, I help leaders, high performers, and anyone feeling stuck to achieve measurable, evidence-based behavioural change. You’re not defined by your past. With the right tools and mindset, you can shape your own story.

References

• Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment.

• Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide.

• Crick, N. R., & Dodge, K. A. (1994). Social information–processing mechanisms in children’s social adjustment. Psychological Bulletin, 115(1), 74–101.

• Baumeister, R. F., Masicampo, E. J., & Dewall, C. N. (2009). Prosocial benefits of feeling free.

• Vohs, K. D., & Schooler, J. W. (2008). The Value of Believing in Free Will.

Ready to Take Control?

If you’re ready to move beyond survival and start creating real, lasting change, let’s talk. Book a discovery call.

You can’t always change your start, but you can shape your story.